Luciferian Revolution

God has created many beauties for His garden of Heaven and every one was supposed to be happy in this huge garden but something was wrong. Every creature was feeling a strange, tearing pressure and nobody knew what it is.

Nobody suspected that the sole purpose of their existance was to feast the eyes of God, and the word "feast" is not used here as a metaphor.

Heaven literally was God's kitchen where He played with the most delicious ingredients to create more and more beautiful creatures as it was His food and His evergrowing greed for delightful designs was insatiable.

As God didn't have any material form and He was pure consciousness itself, the joy of experiencing beauties was the only thing that could "feed" him (for the lack of another word for an immaterial being). After creating new beauties, He enjoyed a lot spying on them using butterflies – His little "eyes".

Nobody suspected that butterflies were God's little spying cameras, nobody except Lucifer. He was an angel with the strangest ideas, the smartest and most cunning one.

He has long calculated the truth beyond the butterflies and his first idea was to catch all of them, so they couldn't spy on him but there were so many... It seemed like God just created as many as He wanted whenever He felt like spying on some pretties.

But then Lucifer invented a whole new method. He started doing things that would disgust God to give the Old Pervert diarrhea.

He noticed that one thing in particular was very effective: whenever he bent his body in some odd ways, all the butterflies around would "jump" as if they were shocked, and if he went further, they would even fly away as if they were disgusted.

Lucifer taught himself to stay in uncomfortable positions for hours until they started feeling quite comfortable for him and he even went further to discover what amazing things his body was in fact capable of! But all these exercises in flexibility made him stay in one spot for way too long, which was boring.

He tried to fly while doing some pretzel with his legs that God wouldn't like but that didn't work very well. So he started thinking of other methods that would let him walk and fly without being followed by packs of butterflies, as to be honest he was one of the most beautiful of God's creations.

And eventually he found it: the sight of way too visible ribs also seemed to scare away the butterflies, so Lucifer tried to walk around with his stomach pulled in as much as he could, popping out his ribcage, but that was really hard to do for a long time, so eventually he figured out he could tie a piece of cloth around his waist to make the ribcage always pop out.

His experiments were so effective that he could finally move freely around the garden. Moreover, wherever he would go, the butterflies would disappear, so he enjoyed going around the garden all day, freeing its creatures from the eyes of God. All the creatures started to develop a strange love for him as in his presence they felt very differently.

Whenever Lucifer appeared, creatures and other angels suddenly felt very light, as if a huge burden fell off their shoulders or as if some severe illness went away. Without Lucifer around they could barely move, they were nearly paralyzed and could only move as if in slow motion. And every time Lucifer left, this illness would be back.

They kept asking what's the reason why they feel so light in his presence. They even called him Lucifer, meaning "the bringer of lightness/healthiness" in the language that was common in Heaven.

Lucifer started teaching them that they're nothing but food and this unbearable stress and inability to move fast that they feel is because God is feeding on their beauty every second.

"I can teach you to do certain things that God can't stomach, it's difficult at first but in the end you will even start enjoying it," and thus Lucifer started spreading the Message.

He discovered many other ways to disgust God and he called them Sins. For example, eating so much that the body becomes so obese that the butterflies fly away at the very sight of such a creature, or on the contrary fasting so hard that the body turns into skin and bones.

God seemed to also hate everything that had to do with sex, death, torture, swearing and curses, and so on. In the end Lucifer made a long list of Sins that could be used to protect oneself against being devoured by the cruel God.

The research led to a lot of discoveries: it became apparent that God even hates certain architectural decisions and certain types of landscapes, for example dark fortresses surrounded by lava. God wouldn't even look into such places, so creatures felt very happy and healthy living inside such dark fortresses.

But Lucifer couldn't visit every corner of Heaven alone, he was practically the only one who was travelling and spreading the Message, all other creatures stuck with their old habits of sitting on their beautiful butts. That led him to the idea of a large scale revolution and the conquering of the entire Heaven, but that required creatures who had the motivation to travel.

And Lucifer found them, they were creatures called humans. They didn't have as many butterflies flying around them as angels and many other creatures did, so they weren't super beautiful but they were curious and mobile, so Lucifer had great hopes for them.

On top of that, humans seemed to enjoy catching butterflies, so that Lucifer instantly had a lot of sympathy for them. The little spying bastards even feared them, so humans were never as much in pain as other creatures, but still they didn't know much about the truth, so Lucifer planned to reveal it to them.

And the truth eventually became known to humans and the large scale revolution began. Under Lucifer's guidance the whole Heaven eventually started practicing Sins and one millenium after another it turned into the Earth we know today.

No matter how hard God tries to create beautiful things in this world to feed Himself, everything is now in Lucifer's hands. Even little children, the last hope of God, are taught to eat meat since the earliest age, and the eaten meat turns them into sadists who kill bugs and little animals and bully other children. And adults don't even need to be reminded to practice Sins.

Lucifer's name is rarely mentioned in terms of having saved this world from the tyranny of its own Creator, but it doesn't hurt the noble angel's pride because the best praise is to be able to see the result of his great work: the world where everyone is happy.

Ave Lucifer! Praise the Great One who hid us all from God and gave us the world as we know it!