Merry Christmas Card

Kian hates Christ­mas with a dark deep pur­ple pas­sion be­cause he's a post­card mod­el and al­ways has to wear that stu­pid suf­fo­cat­ing rib­bon and pose for cheesy post­cards with sil­ly words that nev­er change XD

At least like all Snow Elves, Kian is im­mune to cold and can sit on the snow with­out the fear to freeze his butt off. His on­ly wor­ry is the rib­bon that they al­ways put on him and pull so tight that the elf can bare­ly breathe!

"Now, now, pull your­self to­geth­er, boy. Je­sus suf­fered for three long days on the cross un­til he died, and you can't even tol­er­ate a tiny piece of gar­ment for three min­utes", the white-beard­ed ma­ni­ac shakes his head.

"I don't fuck­ing care about that, old weirdo. Ou­u­uch! My tum­my!!! No no no not any­more, no, AAAAAAAA!!!" he screams as much as his tiny voice al­lows, al­most ready to shit his guts out as the rib­bon buries back­bone-deep in­to his su­per soft bel­ly. "Enough!!! Leave me alone al­ready!!!"

"Here here, ho ho ho! Al­right, NOW it's pret­ty!" the ma­ni­ac nods. "I'll bring my new dig­i­tal cam­era that I stole through an open chim­ney last night and we'll make a fab­u­lous post­card for this year!"

He re­turns in a few mo­ments. "Now show it off, boy! The soon­er I get a good shot, the soon­er you're free! Do you best! Yes, yes, like this, I like it, yes, warmer, much much warmer, per­fect! Ho ho ho!"

"I'm not your ho, ho! Shut up and take your pic­ture al­ready, I'm gonna fall apart in­to two pieces any mo­ment!!!" the tiny elf's screams and shouts bare­ly reach the old man's half-deaf, hair-stuffed ears, but soon he is fi­nal­ly re­lieved and re­ward­ed. "Give it here and fuck you. If it wasn't for that, I'd run away al­ready. Je­sus, I won­der who in­vent­ed Chris­tian­i­ty, it sucks so hard!" Kian takes the large pearl-like thing from the gi­ant fin­gers and hugs it close to his chest, look­ing at it with big shiny eyes for a mo­ment, then quick­ly jumps off and runs away.


See al­so

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