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Merry Christmas Card
Kian hates Christmas with a dark deep purple passion because he's a postcard model and always has to wear that stupid suffocating ribbon and pose for cheesy postcards with silly words that never change XD
At least like all Snow Elves, Kian is immune to cold and can sit on the snow without the fear to freeze his butt off. His only worry is the ribbon that they always put on him and pull so tight that the elf can barely breathe!
"Now, now, pull yourself together, boy. Jesus suffered for three long days on the cross until he died, and you can't even tolerate a tiny piece of garment for three minutes", the white-bearded maniac shakes his head.
"I don't fucking care about that, old weirdo. Ouuuch! My tummy!!! No no no not anymore, no, AAAAAAAA!!!" he screams as much as his tiny voice allows, almost ready to shit his guts out as the ribbon buries backbone-deep into his super soft belly. "Enough!!! Leave me alone already!!!"
"Here here, ho ho ho! Alright, NOW it's pretty!" the maniac nods. "I'll bring my new digital camera that I stole through an open chimney last night and we'll make a fabulous postcard for this year!"
He returns in a few moments. "Now show it off, boy! The sooner I get a good shot, the sooner you're free! Do you best! Yes, yes, like this, I like it, yes, warmer, much much warmer, perfect! Ho ho ho!"
"I'm not your ho, ho! Shut up and take your picture already, I'm gonna fall apart into two pieces any moment!!!" the tiny elf's screams and shouts barely reach the old man's half-deaf, hair-stuffed ears, but soon he is finally relieved and rewarded. "Give it here and fuck you. If it wasn't for that, I'd run away already. Jesus, I wonder who invented Christianity, it sucks so hard!" Kian takes the large pearl-like thing from the giant fingers and hugs it close to his chest, looking at it with big shiny eyes for a moment, then quickly jumps off and runs away.